The Monk who sold his Ferrari!

The blog has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to the title! I just came across this book at a girl’s pad and I think it’s a cool title. That’s about it! I am not a monk! I don’t own a Ferrari! I did have a couple of tees long back and yes also a pen but rather pointless when you drive a banger! It was getting to me that “I did not own a Ferrari”! So got rid of them! Do know people who own them and have been in them but that’s about it. It requires me to work really hard or start my own business or maybe find myself a millionaire bride! As I had ADHD and am sensationally (still in love with the word) lazy I think option 3 is the most suitable. Now open season continues! Shared my thoughts with an ex-girlfriend of mine and she said it wasn’t expected of me to be so shallow! Well girl there are a lot of things which a Ferrari can do to me which you couldn’t! ;-)! Yeah my first smiley! Blackberry has made me a slave!

Now the most pressing issue in my life is men using men’s room and then washing their hands! I mean ok I get it! It’s all about hygiene! But have been noticing off late that men if given a choice would even have a shower! That’s just ridiculous! Now before I continue I would like to stress that I am not a male chauvinist! I am speaking only about men here as I would be quite sure that women don’t need their hands in this scenario! If you do then go get your sex confirmed! So back to the topic. First argument is it’s your own bloody veg! I mean is it only at the public urinal that you clean it or something? And are you not wearing clean pants? What’s the idea here? I mean I can challenge you that you would have never ever been so keen on self-hygiene at home! Then why when there are others around? Are you doing us all a favor or yourself? Now before you judge me here will give you an insight! An average tap in any urinal in the world has on average a billion in population of harmful germs! So you are much better of holding your own tap in your hand than the one which is man-made! Now I do know that there are places with sensors than taps so you are not touching anything. But remember these are posh and well maintained places so chances are you don’t need to do anything. So when you have a shower if you do just spend a couple of minutes extra on getting it gleaming! And I am not saying if I do it or not! This is just my observation! And if you are wondering how jobless should I be to have this as a pressing issue in my life then – Yeah! I am on holiday!

Now on my holiday I am in India land! I was here in June 2011! But it’s just mind boggling, the speed with which things change for the good here! I mean the calm women 6 months back have gone insanely wild! And hell no! I am not complaining! The population is a testament to this insane heat! And then there is the economy boom! I mean the whole world is again on the brink of recession, UK has even declared it! But here I see Ferraris, Lambos, Zondas, Bugattis, etc by the dozen! Now don’t talk to me of Astons you poor guy! I mean it’s superbly demotivating! I used to be very proud of my Hilux but now that’s for sure just a stepping stone! I need to work hard or go back to my option 3! But the best bit of India has to be – The FOOD! A million places to hang out or take out! A billion varieties to try! A trillion smiles! Name it you get it! Anytime! My culinary escapades have already hit such heights in a week that my best friend thinks I have already gone fat! Well let me tell you this, I wasn’t exactly skinny to begin with! Lol! Was at a restaurant yesterday night and I counted the individual items on both the food and drinks menu and it totaled to 637 entries! This is one place! And we ordered with all courses inclusive maybe 8 entries! The true definition of ‘spoilt for choice’! And it was her who selected all of those as my deductive reasoning sucks quite a bit! Thanks! I stay in a place now where the only choice is the choice of meat!

I was getting lazy at home and my mum who is not much used to seeing me around for the last 6 years was suggesting I get of off my futon and go somewhere out! Now that’s all good as long as I am hitching but I hate using the public transport! It’s quite good but limits your choices and sudden changes of decision which happens a lot! I need to keep a secretary (which I can’t afford) as every phone call changes my itinerary! And that’s quite a headache when you end up with people who are ‘sending’! Find out for yourself what it means! So then I decided to try my luck at a two-wheeler (big thing in India). I managed to sort one out! Thanks to her! And it was a scooter! A new one, only 600kms on the clock! There was a problem here though! It has been 6 years that I rode one of these! So very cautiously I wore the super tight helmet and started off! Took me less than a few meters for me to unleash all its power (almost non-existent, it’s a bloody scooter)! Then I realized it is not for how long I did not do it! It’s like swimming or sex! It is in me! It is in my blood! It is in my DNA! Within a couple of kilometers I was back to my inglorious college days! I was havoc on the streets of Bangalore! Man! Damn! What fun! There wasn’t one gap I did not squeeze myself through! Here I was being a ‘Kine King’ (called due to my acrobatic and daredevil style of riding in my college days) again! Countless honks and abuses hurled at me! But it was amazing! I was not only mobile but crazily mobile! I am sure if I did pass someone who knew me in my old days would have guessed that it was me behind that ridiculously small helmet! Fly’s and donuts! I won’t speak much more as the owner of the scooter might actually read and be crossed! And will let you guys in on another secret. I agree a car is a very convenient way of getting around and you have a lot of space to fool around but trust me get a girl behind you on one of these and you are already home! Lol! Two problems to this orgasmic motoring experience though. Firstly, both my brother and I are hugely accident prone so I hope the next 10 days doesn’t kill me! Secondly as I have to wear a helmet (compulsory by the government – what’s that all about!?) it messes my DO! My 5th best feature! But it is all worth it! Many of my friends have gone for bikes now which are above a 1000CC! Will be riding them shortly! Wow! Even if I die then so be it! Beats dying in the bed let’s say to prolonged cancer! So the streets of Bangalore are my home for the foreseeable future (10 days)! So when it comes to returning the scooter to the owner I will leave it in an undisclosed location and message the address once I am on the flight out of India, there will for sure be fireworks!

So now that we are in 2012, I started the year by randomly trying to find the most innovative new year wish I could come across on the internet – random searches, blogs, facetube, youbook, etc all that jazz! I wanted to see how witty can people get! Some of them were simply awful! Some were good! One stood out! And to no surprise it’s my good old mate from England land – Andy! I run my other blog for him! The guy should have ‘humor’ as his middle name! His wish read as so – “Happy New Year. May all your wishes come true, cept for the one with the donkey, that’s illegal!” LOL! ROTFL! LMFAO! Andy! Wow! You still got it old man! Death by laughter (somebody is not going to be happy I again stole a line).

So to Bangalore, to scooter, to women, to booze, to _ _ _ _ _, to food, to friends, to family, to everything, I Salut! Thanks a million! Made my year end well and another one start well! I am deeply indebted!

Happy New Year again to everyone! And some of you 'numbnuts', please don’t ask me what does ‘cept’ mean in Andy’s new year wish!

Oh for crying out loud!