The Adventures of Mr. Jayaprakash

Firstly thanks to my friend “Kasha” for the heading of this blog. My unbelievable levels of non-commitment to my blog have left me ‘sensaaaaationally’ (a word I am in absolute love with) dazed even to find a bloody heading! But this is not even a heading! This is just a line on which I will have to build my blog from scratch now! It continues like this then it’s not long before I actually give up on this entire blog. I mean I am disappointed myself that I am not serious about it. All thanks to ADHD which I believe I used to suffer from in my younger years. The only cure to that they say is not to have had it in the first place!

Now the pressing issue in my life is to be thankful. I am very proud and satisfied today that I have good friends I mean great friends round the globe. There are so many of you in so many countries who are there for me and I only can hope I can be half as much. But there are some who have simply raised the bar of friendship so high that it is like gazing at the moon on a clear night and wondering if I would ever reach there, I would never be able to say ‘thanks’ enough. I am content in life with friends like you, I thank you.

Now let’s get back to my usual nonsense. This is an extremely public blog of mine (of course I do control the comments and many never become public) but what I write is for anyone to read. I was recently in Robert’s Land (Zimbabwe for those who don’t watch the news!) and I can only say this – I was thoroughly amazed! Not positively but negatively! Now this was a country which used to be called the ‘bread basket’ but today imports more than it produces. There are a few tall buildings (I won’t use the word ‘skyscrapers’ as all my friends in Americas, Middle East, etc. will be like – WTF! LOL!), but today they are just like ancient Rome. They are there today, they might even fall down one day, could even be tomorrow! Harare is such an ironic city that you just can’t help wonder what it is and what it actually could have been! I was lucky though to meet some amazing people who did show me a very good time around the charming city. Then I ended up in the gun ranges on the weekend. Now this is such an obsession off late that every part of me wants to keep pulling triggers! I will not disclose what weapons I fired here as there could be serious implications. Freedom of speech varies from nation to nation and I definitely don’t want to get behind bars! Well Zimbabwe is where I will be spending quite a bit of time from now, so as long as there are enough bullets!

One of the other topics which are common on my blog is my sheer misfortune whenever I get to an airport! If it is not a direct flight then there is always bad luck looming over me like ‘Enola Gay’ and then just drops the ‘little boy’ on me! Surprisingly I have even begun to have issues with even direct flights! I mean c’mon! I was at Harare international airport waiting to board my flight to Zambia. This is just a 40 min flight and that’s less time than what I usually need to get home from work! I am always in a car pool and one of my workmates, she literally lives in the jungle! So it is almost every day that I have to keep my eyes open for a herd of elephants or other animals that can very easily put an end to me and not even be prosecuted for it! Now coming back to my misery, I was there sitting in the smoking lounge (of course smoking!) awaiting announcement of boarding, as I did not trust the screens because it still had 22nd October 2007 on them! Yes that’s right this is Africa and things do sometimes freeze here despite the heat! Then I decided it was alarmingly close to the flight time and hence made my way to an airport official (nothing official about him!) and asked him of the status. He just tells me to get back in the smoking lounge and enjoy another ‘stick of death’ as he had no clue of what was the status of the flight! I did not enjoy my next cigarette much and then I tried to give it another shot and approached a different official this time. He did have a reason for the delay! Finally! Somebody! I have heard and tried to digest many reasons in my life for flight delays but this simply topped every one of them! It was the first time that I did not want to lynch at the person but was on the floor in sheer pain caused due to uncontrollable laughter! He said this “Sir, I apologize for the delay in flight to Zambia, this is due to the pilot of your Air Zimbabwe flight accidentally taking the flight to the domestic terminal instead of international, be rest assured we are ‘trying’ to figure out how to sort the mess!”. Yes that’s right! I was really looking forward to boarding this maniacal piloted flight now! I wasn’t even sure he knew where Zambia was, I don’t mind a wrong destination as long as it is Madagascar!

Then finally they sorted it out, the flight was in the air and the air hostess came with her usual trolley. I have seen a variety of drinks served on flights but for god sakes ‘Mazoe’! Now for all the many of you who will read this who are not in Southern Africa let me help you, ‘Mazoe’ is equivalent of ‘Robinsons’ in Europe, ‘Rasna’ in Asia, ‘I don’t know’ in Americas and ‘I don’t care’ in Australia. Honestly, who serves post mix juice on a flight?! But luckily the flight was so short that it landed well before my amusement did!

Now back in Zambia, I have been on a roller coaster for the last few months. Most of the things in my life have been dilly-dallying, my work being the first. I might have to move base to my Zimbabwe soon. I might have to do so many things soon, which directly contradict my slavery to monotony! I have been in thoughts and have finally decided to just go with the stride. I will be 27 years OLD soon and have simply decided one thing – ‘I am bringing sexy back, yet again’. I will be at a good friend’s birthday bash soon and the highlight of the event is belly dancers! I am not going to try and swim against the tide, the worst that could happen is me ending up in a coffin, but that’s not possible. I say this as there are no ‘coffin makers’ (hope that’s what they are called) in this world who do make wooden boxes big and strong enough to fit me in! So I am sure I have a good amount of time on my hand to make the best of what I have got.

I am simply one beer short of a six pack!

Oh for crying out loud!